I’m a communicator, if that wasn’t obvious enough by my degree or choice of career. When faced with a decision instead of running to God first, I play phone tree.
In my sorority we had an “emergency phone tree” and always had to practice it. The officers had to spend 3-ish hours calling every pledge class and letting them know who to call next. I never let that habit die in college.
Big decision to make? Cool. I’ll call:
1. Mom [instant reinforcement at it’s best]
2. My sister
3. Paul
4. My dad
5. My best friends
6. Girls I work with
7. Bible study friends
8. Grandparents
9. College girlfriends
10. The lady I met at Kroger
Picking bridesmaid dresses took 3 hours. Not because I was torn, but because I thought it justified a 30 minute phone call with everyone.
I’ve acknowledged that life would go so much more smoothly if I just fully embraced this title as “child of God” and ran to him first. I’ve acknowledge it’s how we were created to be, but a huge flaw of mine is that once I think I’ve had all my phone tree reinforce the decision I want, I sit down with God to fill him in on the details. As if he didn’t know them already….
Last week I had a phone call that I wasn’t expecting. It was a work decision that had come up a few months ago and quickly I turned it down. This past week the offer came back incredibly strong and while my first instinct was, “No” the terms were still tempting to weigh. It’s difficult to not go into details, but it was extremely high risk, maybe high yield.
I played phone tree and I played it really well. Every single person reiterated I had made the right decision, but I kept not feeling satisfied by their agreement with my choice.
While on the phone with the people making the offer, I smelt something burning. It legitimately smelt like a bottle of Pinot had gone up in flames. For a second I had to say, “I’m sorry, I think my apartment is on fire.” Super professional….
When I got off the phone I walked into my kitchen and found that a box was on my stove and my stove had turned on. The box was charred the entire way through to its contents. They were all melted. I had never placed the box on the stove, it was on my kitchen counter and I had never turned my stove on. In fact, I never turn it on….
I heard God say, “Stop playing with fire.”
It was such a surreal moment because my first thought was to rebuttal like a child. “Yeah, God. But I wasn’t playing with fire. I knew it was bad, I just wanted to talk it out for a good 6 hours. No harm done.”
But that’s exactly what the enemy wants from us. We know what we should abstain from, but if he can get us to talk about it long enough it changes our mindset.
James 3:6 “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life one fire, and itself on fire by hell.”
And even after I had gone through the entire process of worldy reinforcement I still didn’t feel better. No matter how many times my mom and fiancé could say, “Katey, I completely agree with the decision you made” I still felt empty. Because I wasn’t made to receive fulfillment from the world, I was created to receive fulfillment from my father in heaven.
Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
This little story is so vague and while I had fully intended on sharing my “spring must haves” on the blog today, I just felt the need to share something I think Chatty Kathy’s like myself struggle with. Transparency allows the body of Christ to strengthen and grow, so while I can be apprehensive to share this I know that so many of us have an innate desire to hear God say, “You’re right” and instead seek it through others.
While I completely believe that God gives us desires in our heart and allows positive relationships to help reinforce them through uplifting friendship, I do recognize that trying to solve situations on my own and hearing others agree comes from two things: the enemy and the pride he aims to fill our hearts with.
God continually seeks to satisfy our desires [in fact, he wants us happier than we want ourselves] and with his reinforcement we can feel satisfied. This season of my life is filled with so many more decisions than just what I experienced last week. From where we should live to where we should go through pre-marital counseling, I want to run immediately to the Lord and then share to my family and friends what he has planned for us.
Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”
Love this! It’s amazing what God will do to get our attention. Like literally catch our apartment on fire. Thank you for the reminder to seek Him first.
http://www.kristajacobs.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for sharing this Katey, I too struggle with bringing things before others before I bring it to the Good Lord, it’s nice to see someone else with this daily struggle. May God bless you, sweet girl!
– Kristin
I’m really similar- my husband calls me the queen of indecision because I always second guess myself. You just have to trust your gut! Let go and let God 🙂
Alyssa
http://www.feathersandstripes.com
Amen to that! I’m constantly second-guessing myself and the decisions I make, especially when it comes to clothing purchases 😛
Thanks for sharing your story. It really gives a whole new meaning to “playing with fire” 🙂
Sometimes its hard to trust your instincts but having faith in them allows you too see that you were right all a long. xx
http://thedarlingstandard.blogspot.com/
Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
I really needed this today.
Thank you 🙂
Katey,
I absolutely love this post and your transparency! I love reading Christian fashion blogs, and I just want to say thank you for allowing God to use you and sharing your struggles with the world! ♥
Thank you for sharing Katey! One of my all time favorite verses is Philippians 4:6 “In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” I read it often and it helps to remind me where to focus my thoughts when they are weighed down with worry. I hope you are enjoying this special time in our life and finding that these new experiences are bringing you closer to Him too! Xoxo!
This post is just what I needed to hear today! Thanks for sharing!!
Xx
Taylor
Tayandco.blogspot.com
Thank you for this post. I was just thinking how we call ourselves “child of God”, but run to everyone expect Him when we should. Lean not on our own understanding but acknowledge him in all your ways. I hope you break the phone tree & call on the one! Stay blessed. Look forward to seeing you being even more transparent.
LOVE this post lady and I’m so glad you shared! We definitely all go through times like this so it’s totally relatable. Really trying to learn to let go and let God this year.
xx Jessica
Dirty Blonde Barrage
Girl. I just love you so much! You are constantly inspiring me, and I love that you always keep things real about your faith, and just share your life. You’re the BOMB.