Dress: Lilly Pulitzer [c/o] | Maxi Dress: Lilly Pulitzer [c/o] | Maxi Bow: Local Hallmark
Photography by: Angie Garcia
It’s Friday. I’m feeling cheeky. Let’s make fun of myself.
For months I’ve wanted to laugh at myself and talk about all the things I assumed I would do/not do when I was pregnant. I was living on Delusional Island party of 2- Paul included. 😉 I mean parenting is so easy when you don’t have a kid, right?! haha! If you believe you may be pregnant, you should take advantage the free blood pregnancy testing at PRC of Portland and find out here about the services they offer.
I held off from this post because I definitely don’t want anyone to think what didn’t work for me, wouldn’t work for them. Chances are it will. I had no idea how different babies were and who knows, my next baby may follow Baby Wise like a Baby Wise champion. But today let’s make fun of all the naive thoughts I had while pregnant. Get ready to giggle.
1. I’ll Work When Maxi Naps
Maxi will take 2-3 naps a day, so I’ll work during those 2 hour naps. Ha! So many babies nap irregularly and I never knew/accounted for that. Some days she takes a 22 minute nap in her crib. Other days she naps for an hour. If I can have her nap on me, she’ll sleep for 2 hours. But I can’t really work when she is on me. By the time I get her down, shower, chug my coffee she is up again. I don’t think I’ve gotten anything substantial accomplished in any nap she has taken the past 7 months. I get work done before she wakes up in the morning or after she goes to bed. I was so against doing that, but you have to do what you have to do!
2. Because She Is Going To Nap Great. #BabyWise
I read allllll the baby sleep books. Heck, I took an online class. A week or two before I gave birth I was getting my hair done and highlighting the mess out of Baby Wise. I had post-it notes marking pages. I took notes on each chapter. I made a Baby Wise binder. I’m nuts! I laugh at ever envisioning the free time to do something like that ever again. But while getting my hair done my hairdresser kept telling me to relax. She had had a baby about 7 months before I did, and had read Baby Wise. It didn’t work for her so she just kept saying, “Honestly, Katey. Just spend these last few days relaxing. Close your eyes while I do your hair. Stop reading that.”
“No, Britany. I HAVE to read this. This is how your baby sleeps.”
Maxi was born. Hated Baby Wise. Didn’t follow the schedule. I tweaked the schedule. Still didn’t follow it. Yada. Yada. You know how the story goes.
Now this isn’t to say Baby Wise doesn’t work. In fact I believe most mamas that read my blog do Baby Wise and it works for them. It just didn’t work for us. My child is not the best sleeper and it doesn’t matter what book/what schedule. She does what she wants. [Side note, before baby I also thought that was a myth. Babies don’t do whatever. LOL.]
3. I’ll Always Be Ready To Go When The Babysitter Comes. Never Frazzled.
I always envisioned date nights as me being ready by 5:30, the babysitter would come in, I’d have a hot meal ready for her, my baby bathed and ready for bed. Now it’s more like our babysitter comes over and I’m in pajamas, haven’t brushed my teeth, I have acne cream on and I say, “Umm! I have to go shower really quick! She just ate dinner! You can Favor for dinner and I’ll pay for it.”
4. I Can’t Wait To Give Birth So I Can Finally Sleep!
When you’re pregnant, pregnancy insomnia is SO real. I was also unbelievably uncomfortable with my rib and vomiting all night. This is why it is crucial to see your gynecologist regularly during your pregnancy for obstetrical ultrasound services and to help you cope with any discomfort or health issues you’re dealing with. Pregnant mamas, I promise you’ll feel SO much better [healing was a different type of pain for me] once you give birth. But I had this thought that I’d feel so much better and be able to rest more. I didn’t account for the fact they eat every two hours while breastfeeding. So if you start feeding at 1 a.m., they eat until 1:30, you get them down at 1:45, you fall asleep at 2, you wake up at 3 to start again. I took a breastfeeding class so you would THINK I would have done the math. I’m married to a CPA. I should have done the math. Instead I sat blissfully ignorant at 34-weeks pregnant, sipping my Hot Chocolate thinking, “I can’t wait to sleep.”
5. My Child Won’t Be A Picky Eater.
I read Bringing Up Bébé and they mention how Americans really create the entire picky eater concept. In the book they say how it starts when they are infants. If a child doesn’t like green beans, that’s just not true. You keep trying and mix it with different food. Paul listened to this book on audio books and I also took notes on each chapter. Studying it like I was trying to get my CPA, too. We’d sit at brunch and talk about how I would make her food just right and she would love it. Fast forward. I’ve made that girl green beans 47 different ways and she spits it out each time. Maxi just doesn’t like a lot of different things. But it’s fine. Whenever I try a new food I don’t love it at first. It does take a bit for me to adapt. I think the same is true for children. When she is 12, I can tell her to eat green beans. But right now she is 7 months and this is so new to her, she has every right to not be a fan of each new thing. She’s just learning!
6. I’ll Be So Prepared I Won’t Feel Like A Mess.
Being a control freak Type A Allison, I normally associate myself feeling like a mess when I didn’t prepare. I just thought I’d always schedule enough time before an activity with Maxi I wouldn’t ever be late. News flash: I’m not in control! I do get up early to prepare, but sometimes Maxi wants to get up and play at 5:30. Our schedule changes. She has a blowout. We run late. She is fussy. We skip out on something. It’s something I knew would happen while pregnant, I just thought I could overcompensate. Now I embrace this beautiful and messy season of life and laugh at my prior thoughts.
7. I’m Still Going To Have “Me Time.”
Now, I still do have me time. If you have more than one child [you are a superhero] and you may not, but y’all know I just have one baby and have my mom right now so I definitely have “me time.” I can go to Target while Paul watches her. I can get my hair done if my mom can watch her, etc. However, before baby I had regularly scheduled “me time.” I got manicures every 3 weeks and waxed my eyebrows once a month. I still do get manicures, but it’s just different.I don’t go religiously [my friend taught me some tricks to a great at-home mani] and I honestly hate being away from her for so long just to get a manicure/pedicure. I also got my brows waxed for the first time in 7 months this week but we don’t need to dwell on the negative people. Don’t need to dwell on the negative. I already apologized to the girl profusely and she swore it wasn’t bad, but how sweet of her to lie to me. “Me time” has definitely evolved as a concept to me. I enjoy grocery shopping while Paul watches her so I don’t have to worry about her grabbing each thing on the aisle. I will run an errand for Paul so I can call a girlfriend for 10 minutes. That really makes me feel recharged as opposed to old ways. This isn’t to say I’ve changed. I still realllly like manicures. I would say I’ve just learned to seek joy and quiet time in smaller tasks/chores and it makes me appreciate little things in life far more.
8. Paul Doesn’t Need To Help At Night. He Needs Sleep With Work.
My girlfriends and I were doing an annual Christmas dinner last year. As I sat at the table drinking sparkling apple juice with a baby bump touching the table I said, “Oh I definitely don’t expect Paul to get up in the night with her! I mean I have to feed her and he has work the next day. He needs to be rested.” My best friend, Emily, is a mom and she goes, “But, Katey. He can help. He is the dad.” I told her of course he would help, but not at night. I was so worried on him missing out on rest. And yes, for the first 5 months-ish I followed that. But once we had to supplement/pumping was a lot easier I said, “Okay, darling. Your turn! Mama sleeps tonight.” And he was extremely willing/helpful. Now at least once a week he says, “You sleep, I’ll get up with her.” And guess what? I feel no guilt. I feel immense appreciation and gratitude, but guilt? No way. Maxi loves her time with her Daddy and I know how special those late-night cuddle sessions are. Yes, he has to be at an office, but I work, too. So we both have to focus on our rest and we are both doing more than fine! 😉
Oh gosh you guys! I hope this was funny to you! I think the beautiful thing about motherhood is that it does strip a huge layer of control that you have. This little person that you’re learning about is your new boss and they each have different personalities. If we are blessed with more children, I’m sure they’ll be completely different from Maxi and I’ll once again feel like I’m clueless. But this new level of humility is something I appreciate. I’m less hard on myself and far more go with the flow! Last night I thought my bible study started at 7. I parked at 6:48. Put on some lip gloss to freshen up since I’d been rolling around on the floor with Maxi. I organized my purse. Walked in at 6:52 feeling SO great that I was on time and even early. I walk in and someone is already speaking. I thought, “Oh my! These women are on time, too!” Then I realized she wasn’t greeting. This girl was going through 1 Samuel and was digging deep. I took my seat in the back, whispered to a friend and said, “But this starts at 7?!” She laughed and said, “No! 6:30!”
Before Maxi I’d have been mortified I walked in late and gotten frustrated at myself for not being able to know a simple start time. Instead I laughed at myself and quickly started to take notes. God knew I needed a little girl that didn’t follow all the rules like I do so I would learn to be more relaxed, and truly, I’ve never enjoyed life more. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but boy am I so, so proud of my daughter.
So to all the pregnant mamas, you got this! Read your books or don’t read your books. Do what you feel is best and get ready to continually laugh at yourself. You may be surprised to not do everything how you thought you would, but the best surprise is the fierce love you will have for your child. Maxi may bring me a continual learning curve, but she also brings a joy I never knew existed.
Any mamas want to share things they said they wouldn’t do as a parent?!
It’s so interesting reading about what you expected and what really happened. Motherhood is so difficult, and you’re a star so far!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Speaking of at home manis… can you give is the tips? I’m so tired of the dipping powder. I’m ready for a break and to do it at home!
Oh my goodness, yes I second this so much! I’m ready to be able to do at home manicures to change up always having to sit at the salon for 2 hours.
Yessss! Please do a at home mani pedi tips!!
This is so cute! Also, I showed my boyfriend this photo of you and Maxi when you posted it on Insta and said I’ll be matching with our daughter in Lilly Pulitzer some day too. So cute!
Ellen | A Pop of Pink
I secretly used to laugh reading your posts about what you planned to do after baby and even things you packed for the hospital. I was once that mom too until you have the baby haha. My girls are older 9 and 10 so life is more back to “normal” now. Most rewarding experience though ever.
This is so true! I was just telling someone yesterday that I used to be judge-y Judy about babies in church thinking “why don’t they just take them to the nursery?!” And here I am 6 months later crying even contemplating leaving her. I may wait til she’s 5 and in kindergarten ???? It’s just so hard to plan for a baby because like you said you have no clue how they will be or how you will be different when you become a mom!
LOL yes to this a million times!! I’ve taken Maxi to nursery once and she is 7 months. I’m like, “She will just sit quietly! No big deal!” haha. I’m SO much more laid back now.
I agree with you on the baby wise (my son just turned 5 months old). I have mom friends who love it, it just didn’t work for me. I remember thinking of the 3 hr cycles and thinking “ok perfect, he will eat at this time, sleep at this time, do xyz at this time, etc etc”. It wasn’t until someone told me “babies don’t have watches and can’t tell time” that I realized that wasn’t realistic and decided to just go with the flow.
YES! I laminated the schedule and put it on our fridge. I mean I believed in the eat, play, sleep SO much. Then I had a child and God laughed at me. I can either drive myself mad wondering why she won’t follow the schedule, or I can just enjoy her own schedule that’s what we have done! But it’s still funny to me because all my friends use it and it is a miracle worker for them. And I’m over here like, “Did I read the same book as them?! This must be a mistake!” lol
Love this post????❤️. I have a three week old baby and I’m slowly learning these lessons, too! So many sacrifices that are so so worth it. Thank you for posting!
Babywise and Bringing Up Bebe were the 2 books I thought so highly of while I was pregnant, too! My baby is almost 5 months and I’ve learned it’s much less stressful on me letting him choose his naps instead of me! I was told that the problem with baby books is that the babies don’t read them! ????
Thanks for keeping things real Katey! I have an almost 5 month old and sometimes it’s easy to get down on yourself because a lot of people always make things look “perfect” on social media and I’m over here like “what’s wrong with me and my baby?!” Keep it up girl! You are a great mom and Maxi is lucky to have you 🙂
Hi!
Hi Katey,
I’m a new mom as well. My daughter Reagan is two months old today. I am a single mother, and I just returned to work full time which has been brutal. I understand so many of your sentiments in this post. I think the number one thing I thought when I was pregnant was that I would enjoy time to myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good 20 minute shower when she’s asleep, or not having to shovel food in my mouth over the top of her head. However, I can’t stand being away from her! I had my first girls night out this weekend and instead of enjoying my cocktail and conversation, I sat at the table staring at pictures of her on my phone!!! I don’t think I assumed that being away from her would be like missing a part of my own body. She is the biggest blessing of my life, and no matter how much she grows I feel like the umbilical cord is still attached.
Hi Courtney! Congratulations on your sweet Reagan! And can I just say, you’re amazing! Single mamas are the most incredible mothers. I tell Paul all the time how I don’t know how you all do it and I would feel like the biggest failure compared to a single mom! Absolutely!! That’s why I just don’t even want to go get manicures and pedicures! 🙁 And I almost dyed my hair brown because the first few times I had to go get highlights I cried the entire time in the chair. Thankfully I’m friends with my hairdresser so she didn’t think I was nuts. That cord will always still be attached [or so I think! ha] and when we aren’t with them it feels as if a huge piece of our body [and heart] is missing. Keep up the amazing work! Thank you so much for reading!! xo, Katey
It is SO regreshing to see a mama laugh at her pre baby self because I truly believe 90% (or more) of us Type A’s get totally schooled by our babies once they make their arrival! Lol! Now, I on the other hand, held fiercely to the “schedule” and completely lost my mind trying to keep up until about 6 months into baby #2… there went the hands up! Now on baby 3 and I’m not going to say I’m completely relaxed but I sure do wish I would’ve just had the confidence to laugh at myself and go with the flow on #1 than try and stick with what I “thought” I was supposed to be doing as a “good mom”… oh boy how wrong I was! We are good moms in every way, shape & form because like you said-we fiercely love these babies of ours. THANK YOU for this! I’m going to show it to all my preggo mama friends 🙂
I love this post! I’m similar to you in that I’m Type A (my sisters tell me I’m a control freak) but I know things will need to change because I’m 39 weeks pregnant with our first baby! Life is about to get REAL haha 🙂
Alyssa
http://feathersandstripes.com
Love this Katey! Makes me super excited to become a mama too! You advice and learnings are so helpful and that matching outfit is the cutest!
All the hugs!
Emily
I read this as my 2.5 week old son is sleeping on my chest. Need to feed the dogs. Need to feed myself. But he’s peacefully sleeping and may not continue to do so if I move him. I definitely realized that this little man is in charge, so I better learn to adjust if I want to keep my sanity. Like seriously, he’s on his own terms. I was supposed to be induced at 37 weeks, but he couldn’t wait and came on his own at 36+5.
I was going to read up on baby schedules while pregnant, but saw you lost on Instagram about how they didn’t work so well for you and figured I’d just spend the time relaxing instead of reading! LOL. Now I just tell myself that he will be a big boy one day, and all the sleep-deprived nights will be a distant memory. I hope!
The napping issues is so true! My little girl didn’t really consistently nap until she was 1, and even now can throw us for a loop (like waking up at 4 am the other day). I was so frustrated at first, like who are these people that tell their baby it’s time to nap and the baby listens?! Then I finally came to the conclusion there wouldn’t be thousands of books and views about sleep if it was easy. So I just let it go, she wouldn’t be a 20 year old that needed to be rocked, she would figure it out in her time. Since then we just go with flow. You’re doing great!
Katey,
I have been following your blog for over a year now and want to thank you for always being so relatable. I was pregnant while you were pregnant and it was so nice to read your posts along the pregnancy journey. However, your post today made me cry. Maybe it’s the hormones, but you really spoke to every struggle I have been experiencing as a new mama.
Last night my little guy woke up every 45 minutes. He’s going to be 4 months in a few days and every time he woke, I was on the verge of crying but then started to laugh at myself. Every time he wakes up from a 30 minute catnap I analyze all the things I could have done better to allow him to nap longer, but like you said, these babies are really teaching us a lesson that we can’t control everything. I’m a teacher and the fact that I can’t get an “A” in new parenthood is frustrating! But when I see his smiling face when I greet him good morning, I’ll take a million “Fs” just for a smile.
Thank you again for lifting my spirits and creating a mommy network through your blog.
God Bless you and your family.
So many feels about this post! So much of it rings true, however as a photographer I actually do get a lot done during Ali’s 2 hour afternoon naps. You and Maxi will work it out and you will get more done eventually! It’s just a season. But I said SO many things while pregnant, and I don’t even follow anything at this point. I just take cues from my girlfriend. Mothers intuition trumps any parenting book!
New mom over here too. I didn’t read much before Darby was born and I’m glad I didn’t. I had no expectations for how things would go. She’s 3 and a half months now and you’re right, it’s harder than I imagined, but also the greatest blessing. I did go darker with my hair though! Who needs awful roots when you’re already sleep deprived? Not this mama. When I got home the baby looked at me like “I’m sure you’re my mama, but I’m also not so sure…”
I love this post! It totally helps put things into perspective for me!
http://moosmusing.com
This is so good to know!!! 😉 The mama and me Lilly is amazing, too, btw.
xxoo
Mary
http://www.BelleOnTrend.com
Okay, first, I can’t get over the matching outfits and her big bow! Dying how cute this is! Second, when you are describing how you were pre-baby, I feel the exact same way! Oh boy do I have a wake-up call when I have a baby! Those things that you mention on how things would go when you had the baby already run through my head and now you crushed my dreams! LOL j/k of course but I am a control freak too so I can’t wait to see how things turn out once I have a baby.
At home mani tips please!!
Will definitely do a post on that when we move and have our new bathroom to shoot in! xo
Hi Katey,
I just love this post! 🙂 I so appreciate your honesty and openness about your journey so far, as it’s so refreshing and encouraging to fellow mamas 🙂 My baby girl is 8 months old (and I have a 2 year old son) and I can relate to everything you talked about! And even more so the second time around, lol. My son was not a great sleeper and I honestly questioned if I was just doing everything wrong (even though I read so much and tried so hard to get him to nap/sleep when I thought he should!), and finally when I just went with the flow with him, I was much less stressed about everything. I was actually in grad school at the time too, so there was the added level of stress, but like you said, it strips you of a level of control and helps you to realize that as long as you are loving them the very best you can, that is all that matters! My daughter has been different than my son in many ways (sleep included), and like you said, every baby is different. Like you, I always thought that I could overcompensate to avoid feeling like a mess, but I have learned that there are just times we are going to feel like a mess! Haha. And that’s okay! It is truly a beautiful and messy season of life, and one that I am so thankful to be experiencing. God sure knows what he’s doing when He gives us these precious babies to teach us 😉 Thanks again for such an honest (and funny) post 🙂 You’re doing a great job mama!
Haha I’m pregnant with my first and was literally just highlighting Baby Wise right before reading this. Too cute of a post, loved it, as always.
This is beautiful! God knew you needed a little girl that doesn’t follow all the rules like you do so you can learn to relax. You make me excited to start a family! Thank you!!
This is the greatest post, and so true. Being a parent is so humbling in so many ways. When you’re pregnant with your first, you have no idea the millions immeasurable ways having a child will change you and your life. The best advice you can give any new parent, is to just learn to roll with things, because babies do not have a care in the world with regards to your plans or desires. Lol
I was always 15 minutes early to everything before baby. It really bothered me in the beginning that I was late so often. Now she’s 3 and has an opinion on what clothes she wears and it’s so much worse! We are always late even when I get us up way earlier than I think we need to.
I was so judgmental about iPads while pregnant. Now I have three kids 5 and under and I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about said iPads, race to the kitchen and say a little prayer that yes, they are in fact charged!
I think it’s awesome you can embrace the changes so openly. It took me a year or so to realize that life really was just different than pre-kid life. Now don’t get me wrong, I still long for shiny clean floors and wearing white pants but those days will be back soon enough!
I’m due in January! This makes me feel really good to read, because a lot of my friends were like you before Maxi- planning and micro managing every thing and I’m more on the side of learning as I go. Lol! You have such a sweet little girl 🙂
I keep up with your Instagram photos and blog. I seldom comment, but I couldn’t help myself this time. This post has been my favorite one to date! Your post is honest and relatable. I’m an attorney with my own private practice, a 3 year old toddler, and a two month old baby girl. I’m still breastfeeding and wake up irregularly. My sweet husband offers to help but my Type A personality thinks she can handle it all. I keep telling myself it’s only a phase and should enjoy it while it lasts. I’m sure it’ll get easier with time, but damn all I want is a glass of wine (or two…or okay- the whole bottle) and to watch a marathon of Real Housewives. In the meantime, I read your blog to keep me sane and awake during the nighttime feedings. Thanks for being awesome!
Also, I may or may not be searching the Internet for matching Lilly outfits and booking a photographer right now. 😉
Hi Cerise! I don’t know how I just found your comment, I’m so sorry! But I wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words! You are seriously a superwoman with your own practice and 2 kiddos while breastfeeding! I’m truly in awe! I agree, sometimes Type A makes mama life so hard! Anyways, I appreciate you reading my blog SO much and thank you for your sweet words!! xoxo